Pssst, what can you do to remind your kids, your friends, and yourself this is not true beauty?
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Question: For all of you parents of girls, how do you play down appearance and point out real beauty?
11/18/11
Because This Is Not Beauty
Oh, those Dove self-esteem videos. I could eat them up like a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter.
Pssst, what can you do to remind your kids, your friends, and yourself this is not true beauty?
Pssst, what can you do to remind your kids, your friends, and yourself this is not true beauty?
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14 comments:
i've seen this video before, amy, and i remember how eye-opening it was for my girls to see it, too. to realize that what they're seeing in advertising has been "touched up" had a huge impact on them.
as they're growing up, we've tried to focus on statements like "that was a beautiful thing you did." in other words, their actions have always been more important than their appearance, and we've made a point to focus on the "appearance" of their hearts over their physical bodies. now, i think it's important for them to hear their parents (especially their dad) praise their physical beauty, too, but we've never played that up, so to speak. and it's always in the context of God's creation. "you are beautiful as God has designed you." does that make sense? we have also encouraged the three of them to encourage each other, in that they all three have very different physical attributes, and it would be easy for any one of them to be envious of the others for some of those characteristics. i'm very thankful that what the world would consider the "good stuff" got spread out among them. none of them has the monopoly, so to speak! phew! what a mess that would have been, lol :-)
great topic, and one that our girls have to deal with on a whole 'nother level than i did as a young girl. though i don't know that it was less difficult. . . .
happy friday!
steph
We constantly talk about how you can have a pretty face and an ugly heart and be seen as ugly and you can have a not-model-lie face but a kind heart and people will see you as beautiful.
I make sure my children spend time with the elderly and other kind people who are not beautiful in a traditional sense. I refer to these people as beautiful and lovely and talk about why the adjectives fit.
I ditto Brandee's comment about the elderly. We also do a lot of volunteering with families in crisis. And I always compliment my kids most when they're willing to step out and be different.
~Debbie
Steph,
I love your line, "That was a beautiful thing you did." Although I am good a doling out sincere praise, I need to insert beautiful more when I'm talking about actions. I always like your comments because they are posts within themselves!
Gaby,
Another term I don't use, but it's a good one (and one that I hear down here since I've moved to the South) "ugly heart"
Brandee,
People who are not beautiful in the traditional sense. I really like that line, and it's so true
Debbie,
Always good to have you here.
Crunchy peanutbutter has been recalled in Indiana -- you might want to be careful eating it. Ha!
We taught our girls "Pretty is as pretty does" and "Beauty comes from the inside." We also called bad attitudes "ugly." My goal was for my girls to learn that Jesus shinning through our lives makes us beautiful.
This video gets me every time... If only we could see "the process" behind every picture we secretly wish we could emulate! While I don't have daughters of my own yet, I have worked with high school girls for quite awhile so I feel like I can relate in this challenge of cultivating a true sense of beauty. I've always tried to get the girls to see and appreciate their uniqueness- not just in looks, but also in personality, experiences, gifts, talents, etc. They are each beautiful in their own right, they are fearfully and wonderfully (and perfectly!) made just how they are... and that's where their beauty is rooted.
love this company's true beauty campaign. you know this issue is near to my heart. i am not raising my own girls but work with teenagers daily. just today, during a class party, i called out, "no fat talk!" to a small group from which i heard, "I am so fat." and i tell my cheerleaders i want strong girls not scrawny.... and texting my girl, the one i mentor, to please eat when she hangs with the boyfriend tonight! i want to WIPE OUT eating disorders. and negative body image.
THANK you for this. I showed it to Lydia, age 10. She said to me: "The girl at the end doesn't even look like a real person anymore."
I stopped wearing make up several years ago. I looked at my daughter and saw her beautiful and I questioned the wisdom in continuing to wear make up and the message it would send her as she grew and grew aware.
It's tough not having a "go to" when I feel unpretty and I think wanting to be pretty is as much as part of being a girl as making weapons out of ...anything!...are part of being a boy. But I have to for the wisdom of how God sees me, sees her, sees us all.
Just today, at 8, she hesitated to put on an extra layer because she thought it would make her look "fat" - it pierces my heart every time because I know she is not getting that message from our family...so I wonder where this is coming from.
In these moments, I try to reinforce that God is always looking at our hearts, not our appearance. It's a message I need to take to heart as well. :)
Jennifer,
I watched the video twice with my daughter. Her response?
"Don't the models get their feelings hurt?" Sweet.
Andrea,
No make-up? Good for you, and the "fat" talk. My daughter is nine, and she asked me just the other day about being fat. I wanted to fall over. I didn't realize how early this started.
Thanks for reading, guys.
This is a huge issue for me since I'm raising 4 daughters. We talk about beauty in terms of reflecting Christ. The less we are seen and the more He is, ensures beauty is all over us.
My girls are not quite two. But--I think that it's important, mostly for me, to establish the way we talk about appearance.
One thing I try to do now is to describe their behavior as "ugly" or "beautiful". Enforcing that the way we behave, the attitude of our hearts is ugly or beautiful, not just how we look on the outside.
Also, and I know this is silly, I avoid the word "fat" in books we read. I go through their books and cross it out and add the word "round" or some other appropriate word. I realize it's just an adjective, but what the world has made that word, it seems so derogatory.
I believe that all woman are beautiful, and I often pointed our the beauty of all the women in my girls' lives.
Fondly,
Glenda
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